Here we go:
Query
Dear Ms. Awesome-Agent,
Twelve-year-old Nita Adams desperately wants to see a ghost. After all, she’s president of the Friday Night Fright Club and an expert in all things paranormal—and she needs her friends to focus more on phantoms than on sports and boys. (As if boys could ever compete with banshees or bhoots—Indian ghosts with backward facing feet!)
To make matters worse, there’s trouble with the new girl in school. Destiny claims to be a REAL summoner, and she appears to be taking over Nita’s friends’ minds. Nita rises to Destiny’s challenge, and the race to see who can summon a spirit is on. Ouija boards, spell books, magical lockets, and sneaking into “haunted” houses are all part of the duel.
However, as Nita discovers, some spirits should definitely remain unsummoned. That's because the spirit she unleashes has mayhem and murder on his mind. And if Nita can’t stop him, someone close to her may very well end up dead.
THE FRIDAY NIGHT FRIGHT CLUB is a middle grade ghost story, complete at 45,000 words. I like to think of it as being a bit like Heather Vogel Frederick's Mother-Daughter Book Club series--if the only books the girls ever wanted to read were Goosebumps. I'm querying you specifically because (xyz etc.)
I belong to the SCBWI, and am active in children's literature circles, managing the group blog Project Mayhem: The Manic Minds of Middle Grade Writers. For the past three years, I have also judged middle grade fiction for the Cybils’ awards. Originally from England, I now live in Portland, Oregon.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Michael Gettel-Gilmartin
First 250:
The skull gleamed
in the dim light of the battery-powered votive candles. Wisps of fog snaked
through its empty eye sockets, and its yellowing teeth grinned as it faced one
bedroom wall and then another. For a moment, it trembled in Nita’s Adams ’ hand. Then it swooped down and smacked the
seventh-grade social studies textbook lying beneath it.
Nita shook the
skull a couple more times, for good measure. “I, the Mistress of Graves, call
this meeting of the Friday Night Fright Club to order,” she said, in her
spookiest voice.
As if on cue, the
wind roared through the fir trees in the ravine behind Nita’s neighborhood.
Rain tap-tap-tapped against her bedroom window. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the
tapping was the sound of a ghost, desperate to return to a previous life? Nita
would race to the window and let the lost spirit in.
She had to admit
it: October in Oregon
was totally her favorite month. Tonight, in honor of Halloween—only a couple of
weeks away—she was doing everything in her power to amp up the fear factor. It
seemed to be working—at least with one of her best friends. Brenny, wide-eyed,
looked completely spooked. Now, to complete the mission and terrify Maddie…
Nita positioned
the plastic skull in front of her and flung her arms wide. Vapor from the fog
machine on her dresser swirled around all three of them. They looked like
wraiths.
“I have two words
for you,” Nita said. “Bloody Mary.”
Oh no! The Bloody Mary story frightened me so badly as a child that I still can't look directly into a mirror in the dark. Great beginning!
ReplyDeleteWow. This sounds terrific. I want to read it now. I think your query is perfectly irresistible.
ReplyDeleteThis is a cool story. I know the perfect girl to read it! Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteGood luck in the competition!
ReplyDeleteI like the girl rivalry angle combined with ghosts--cool! Good luck in the competition!
ReplyDeleteOooh! Nice beginning! Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI. Love. This. I mean, I want to read it right now. Love ghosts, love MG, love girl trickery. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteVery nice! This sounds like a really fun MG novel. Good luck and well done!
ReplyDeleteThis premise is so great! Really makes me want to read the book.
ReplyDeleteOK, I'm sold on this. The premise is charming and fresh, and the opening pulls me in.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Connie
What a fantastic title! And your query and first 250 are really strong. Good luck in the contest, Michael!
ReplyDeleteOHMYGOSH This sounds amazing!! Your 250 are fantastic and leave me wanting more! Rooting for you!!
ReplyDeleteMy kids have outgrown MG, but this sounds so good I might read it anyway. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI like your premise though I'd consider taking out the "complete at" and "I like to think of it as being a bit" though. If you're querying an agent then they know (or hope) your MS is complete and the second sentence sounds more chatty than professional. But, maybe that's appropriate for an MG query. I do WF which is definitely a horse of a different color.
ReplyDeleteAll that aside I think you have a great premise and a solid 250. Best of luck come Monday! :)
This is such a great query. And, Bloody Mary is having a huge resurgence in schools these days (at least, up here in Canada). Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWho doesn't love a good ghost story? I used to eat these up when I was a kid. LOVE the club. Totally something I'd join!
ReplyDeleteDigging the Nancy Drew meets R.L Stine vibe you have going. Can't wait to read books like this with my kid! Good luck to you!
ReplyDeleteI love your premise, and good luck to a fellow Oregonian! The first 250 is great, too, and I would love to read on.
ReplyDeleteGreat 250 query. You've got some good voice there. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your comments work now! I tried to post this earlier and couldn't. Your entry looks awesome– Nita shines as a strong character right away, and the vivid descriptions are great as well. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteWow! Great query + first 250!! Love the premise, Nita's character and the description.The only nitpickything that stuck out to me was that the phrase "she appears to be taking over Nita’s friends’ minds" read a bit awkwardly. Good luck with this!!
ReplyDelete